YES 23 tomorrow doom and gloom, any whoot I'm playing EVE Online again epic success (gives many thanks to his darling and beautiful fiancée LahmiaRaven for that) also a new headset soo to be ordered... old one is kind'a broken and so on.

Any ways hope to see you all in space!

EVE Online : I'm flying again!
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Counting the days till one is twenty three... GAH!

Counter-Strike Source ID : .d0T`
Steam Friend ID : local009
XFIRE ID : local9

Manager of mixVent.UK

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Depression, how fucking annoying. I thought I found ways to knock this shit out of my system in one hit but nope this crap comes back and why I will never know. I guess its because home sickness is setting in after a month of being away from home or be it now being single that I miss the one I love or that I miss knowing that out there I'm with some one who means more to me than anyone else hence why I'm with them.

In some ways I miss having some one by my side and sleeping alone now for the past 4 months, 3 of those I was still with Sara and I missed her like nothing before. Any way life moves on doesn't it? Well for me nothing has moved forwards. I became homeless due to a family devorce and ended up living in a hostel with my mother and youngest brother and then after 2/3 weeks got a call from Rose who has known me for some time now and has had a really big effect on my life and helped me move forwards even when at my lowest points.

She invited me to move up with her and live in Basildon Essex so in which I spoke about it and thought it over and decided that it would be nice to try and change my life in one way or another. So within a week I moved up and soon shortly broke up with Sara so the little holiday has now became my life. So there I was single with people I only knew from the internet and meeting new people everyday and living the same day over and over doing the same things. Not many things happen around here except the gossip and news of events and whats happening around here and for some one who has no job its hard to invited them out for a night some where to have fun.

Soon after with reasons i won't say I moved out of Rose's place and in with my mate Dan at his girlfriends flat, Ali accepted me in with open arms and this made it easier for the situation at Rose's place and now she could settle without worrying, but me being the way I am I always worry about those who I care about and that being Rose and Sara. Soon I got in contact with Sara again and its made me happy but also depressed that I'm not with her there when I'm speaking to her. Rose is fine and happy to know I'm there if needed and always the same back even though I never ask much of others than to be a good friend.

Any way as the days have moved on I've gone more and more depressed about being alone and not having some one to curl up with when I sleep nor have that hug in which we all seek, the hug that lets you know everything is going to be alright. I know it sounds selfish to others but then again you seek the same thing when alone. I will never stop loving the ones I love as I love them for reasons I have as friends or some one who has been the most closest person to me in my life and she knows who she is, shes been there throughout all the shit I went through when at home.

For now we'll see what happens and maybe getting this all out of my system will help me and get me back on my feet, who knows.

For now I'm alone sitting here wishing I wasn't...

The one I miss


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~Music: [link]
~Mood: Calm

Yes my birthday has gone past and i'm now 20 so yea wow life has gone so fast.

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